she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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