I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
