We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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