i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
