my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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