Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
