So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
