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I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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