she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
