I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌