roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...