Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.