My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.