god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
