that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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