it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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