Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
