it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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