Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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