Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
