Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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