I'm going to jail i love you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
