you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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