i think my mom watched the whole time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
