she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
