Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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(682): View more from Texas

It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good

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(512): View more from Texas

We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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(954): View more from Florida

I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

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(802): View more from Vermont

I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

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(419): View more from Ohio

I have dibs on his crisis of faith.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday

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