Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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