Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
