pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
