Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
