Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
