Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had sex on a roof
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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