saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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