I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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