I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
