dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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