I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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