don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
