Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
