I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
