I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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