after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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