And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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