one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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