I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
