I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
