I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
