So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
