I love black thongs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
And then he peed in my hair
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