there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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