My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
