piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
