when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Randomize
