Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's blow job season.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
