i think my tv is drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
