Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
