i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
