Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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