OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this will be a night to untag.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
