Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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