She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
