I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
