Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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