have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
