he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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