billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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