Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
