A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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