Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
