Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
