I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
