shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
